I have really begun to miss my testicles as of late. I miss getting to cup them in my hand as I get out of the bathtub. I miss the feel of them rubbing against my jeans when I would not wear any underwear. I miss them hanging low during the hot weather. But I more preferred how they would tighten up against my body in cold weather - I really liked that.

I even miss the banding - Melanie went through so many stages about my testicles. At one point she began to feel that if she cut off the blood supply to my testicles it would keep them from producing sperm, and as a result I would not get her pregnant. For a day before intercourse she would tie my testicles off as tightly as she could. After several hours of this, my testicles would be swollen & purplish in color. All day long a dull pain would pass up into my stomach. That night, before Melanie would allow my penis inside her, she would examine my testicles to make sure I had not removed the banding. Only then would I be allowed to climax inside her, and then the banding removed.

Later, Melanie began to require me to keep the banding in place - even after the climax. She was constantly pouring through internet sites concerning all sorts of information on sexual control, and I think she was beginning to feel that permanent banding would eventually cause my testicles to die. Then later she began to turn to the notion of castration.

Muriel has a match tonight - local this time, so I will probably accompany her. She will then sleep until late in the day tomorrow, as usual. Later tomorrow evening will be my weekly milking. I wish I could keep my fluid in me this time.

Missed Anniversary

None of those few that know about my castration even took note and mentioned anything about my "anniversary." I realize that it was not an anniversary to celebrate, but an anniversary anyway. It has now been a little over a month since my testicles were forcibly removed from me. http://thegelding.blogspot.com/

As you can see from my previous postings on this blog, I intended to post my on-going adventure with Joe & Rhea. At first I was going to post their messages to me as well as mine to them. But I eventually concluded that might be some sort of violation of their privacy, so I have only posted my messages to them, and then only some of those.

But our back & forth messages have ceased now anyway. I think it is because of one of two reasons - either Joe found out about my messaging his wife behind his back and put a stop communication with me, or Joe & Rhea were the same person and in actuality Joe was only messing with me. At times their wordings in their messages were very similar. Whatever is the case, it seems to be over.

I am taking two medications that are intended to produce a sex drive in me once again. And it seems I am finally having some limited results. About once a week, or sometimes it takes two weeks, I feel myself getting sexually excited. And if I mess with it enough, my penis becomes a little engorged - not flaccid as usual, but not truly an erection. I get to where I want to look at porno, and start to have desires - like really wanting to rape someone, or get someone pregnant.
But usually somewhere along this point Muriel realizes what is happening, and the next thing I know I am on my hands & knees, looking down at the little bowl she uses to collect my fluids. At she works the prostate massager in me I try very hard to not let myself go, but eventually a tickle of fluid begins, and then a steady small stream drains into the bowl. When Muriel thinks she has collected enough, she takes the fluid and coats her nipples for me to suck off - that part I like. But any fluid she does not use I have to drink. The worst part is that after she finishes milking me, I am no longer interested in sex - my thoughts & desires are gone for at least another week.

Muriel seems to be taking my fluid more frequently recently, and more methodically. This bothers me, as I recall when Melanie was doing that to me - and steadily weakening me in the process!